list of 30 doctor jokes that are sure to give you a good laugh
Here’s a list of 30 doctor jokes that are sure to give you a good laugh:
1. What’s the difference between a general practitioner and a specialist?**
The general practitioner knows nothing and does everything; the specialist knows everything and does nothing.
2. Why did the doctor carry a red pen?**
In case they needed to draw blood.
### **3. Patient: Doctor, I think I’m a pair of curtains!**
Doctor: Pull yourself together!
### **4. Why did the doctor tiptoe past the medicine cabinet?**
He didn’t want to wake the sleeping pills.
### **5. I went to the doctor with a sore throat and he gave me a box of chocolates.**
I think he misunderstood when I said I wanted a “treat-ment.”
### **6. Doctor: You’re obese.**
Patient: I want a second opinion.
Doctor: You’re also ugly.
### **7. Why did the doctor become a musician?**
Because he had a lot of patients!
### **8. Doctor: You need glasses.**
Patient: How do you know without checking my eyes?
Doctor: I knew as soon as you walked through the window.
### **9. Patient: Doctor, every time I drink coffee, I get a stabbing pain in my eye.**
Doctor: Have you tried taking the spoon out of the cup?
### **10. I told my doctor I broke my arm in two places.**
He told me to stop going to those places.
### **11. Patient: Doctor, my nose is running!**
Doctor: Well, you better go catch it!
### **12. What did the doctor say to the rocket ship?**
Time to get your booster shot!
### **13. Doctor: I have bad news and worse news.**
Patient: What’s the bad news?
Doctor: You have 24 hours to live.
Patient: What’s the worse news?
Doctor: I should have told you yesterday.
### **14. Why did the doctor tell the nurse to walk slowly past the pharmacy?**
Because she didn’t want to wake the sleeping pills.
### **15. A doctor accidentally prescribes his patient a laxative instead of cough syrup.**
Three days later, the patient comes for a follow-up. The doctor asks, “Well, are you still coughing?”
The patient replies, “No, I’m too afraid to.”
### **16. Doctor: How’s the boy who swallowed the coins?**
Nurse: No change yet.
### **17. Doctor: You’re in great shape for your age.**
Patient: I’m only 25.
### **18. Why did the doctor go to art school?**
Because he wanted to draw blood.
### **19. Patient: Doctor, you’ve got to help me. I can’t stop my hands from shaking!**
Doctor: Do you drink a lot?
Patient: No, I spill most of it.
### **20. What did the doctor say to the patient with a broken leg?**
Don’t worry, this is just a joint effort.
### **21. Doctor: Your test results are back, and I’m afraid you’re going to have to stop masturbating.**
Patient: Oh no! Why?!
Doctor: Because I’m trying to examine you.
### **22. Why did the doctor go on a diet?**
He wanted to lose his patients.
### **23. Patient: Doctor, I have a pain in my eye whenever I drink tea.**
Doctor: Take the spoon out of the cup.
### **24. Doctor: You’re very overweight.**
Patient: I want a second opinion.
Doctor: Okay, you’re also ugly.
### **25. Why did the doctor keep his money in the freezer?**
He wanted cold, hard cash!
### **26. Doctor: You’ll live to be 60!**
Patient: But I am 60!
Doctor: See? What did I tell you?
### **27. Why did the skeleton go to the doctor?**
Because it didn’t have the guts to face its problems.
### **28. Doctor: Can you describe the symptoms?**
Patient: Yeah, Homer’s the fat guy, and Marge has blue hair.
### **29. Why did the patient bring a ladder to the doctor’s office?**
To get to a higher level of care!
### **30. Patient: Doctor, I have a pain in my back!**
Doctor: Well, it’s old age.
Patient: But my other leg is fine, and it’s just as old!
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I hope these doctor jokes brought a smile to your face!
